Come Out Of The Closet
by TheLovelyItem
Summary: Adrienne questions Artemis' sexual orientation. Arty/OC oneshot.


I don't own Arty, but I'd like to. This is the first Fowl fanfic I've written for years. It's a bit similar to the third chapter of my Death Note fanfic, so if anyone's reading this who's also reading that (which I doubt, but just in case), you'll recognize bits that I've recycled from that chapter. I'm so original, I know.

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Adrienne watched Artemis intently as he spoke to her from across the table, nodding occasionally to make it seem as though her attention was fully dedicated to the business venture that they were currently discussing. In reality though, she had long since started zoning out. _Christ, what an utterly arrogant, spectacularly beautiful specimen of man he is,_ she found herself thinking as she stared at him, pretending to be absolutely fascinated with what he was saying.

"What a lovely pair of customers we have today!" A cheerful voice interrupted her thoughts as the waiter swept over, wearing a smile that could rival the brightness of the sun. "It's dazzling. Good afternoon there, love," he addressed Adrienne, "I'm Daniel, and you are…?"

Adrienne reluctantly tore her gaze from Artemis and looked up at the waiter blankly. "I'm _hungry._" She deadpanned.

The waiter laughed, to her puzzlement. "Oh, honey," he said, his eyes twinkling, "You don't need to shoot me down. I don't swing that way." He glanced over at Artemis and winked.

Artemis did the impossible. He paled even further.

Adrienne gaped at the waiter as well for a moment. Then a wide grin suddenly formed on her lips.

"I see," she said. "Pleasure. I'm Adrienne and I'll have the roasted duck. That over there," she pointed at Artemis, "Is Artemis, and he'd love to give you his order."

Artemis looked at her, horrified, as the waiter suddenly appeared at his side.

"What a looooovely name," Daniel gushed in delight as he eyed Artemis up and down. "So _exotic_!"

He was inspecting Artemis as though he were a tasty morsel of meat. Artemis abruptly came to his senses and shot the waiter a death glare.

"Discontinue staring at me that way please," Artemis said tersely. "I will have the filet mignon."

"Anything you like," Daniel smiled widely, collecting their menus and sweeping into the kitchen.

Artemis smoothed a few strands of dark hair away from his forehead and turned back to face Adrienne.

"As I was saying," he began coolly, ignoring the wide smirk on her face, "I have several contacts who would be useful—"

Inwardly, Adrienne rolled her eyes. Of course he would just brush that off like nothing had happened. She went back to listening to his proposal, but a dozen thoughts were swirling around in the back of her mind.

_I wonder if Artemis __**does**__ swing that way? _She mused. _After all, for as long as I have known him he has appeared to have no interest in women whatsoever…_She sighed inwardly. _Lovely, Adrienne,_ she berated herself. _Just brilliant of you to fall for a gay man. Bravo._

She continued pondering over such speculations as their meals were brought to the table, and she observed Artemis' face intently as Daniel fawned over him once again. He was glaring down at his plate as he proceeded to attack its contents, refusing to look up at Daniel, but there was something else in his eyes. It looked like…embarrassment. Something she had never really witnessed in him before.

_Oh dear god,_ She thought, wishing desperately to smack herself in the head at the moment, _He IS gay, isn't he?! Fuck my LIFE._

"Adrienne," Artemis said quietly after Daniel had just served him complimentary dessert, thirty minutes later, "Would you kindly make yourself useful and discourage that insufferable waiter's…advances?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "What's wrong? He's not your type?"

He glowered at her. Just then, Daniel fluttered over again with the check.

"Don't worry about the dessert, it's on the house," he grinned down at the young genius. "But if you'd like to pay me back, you could just leave your number on the check."

Adrienne nearly snickered at the stricken look that had suddenly flown across Artemis' face. He flashed pleading eyes in her direction. Now that was something you didn't see everyday. Artemis Fowl the Second asking for help? Well, help he would get, she decided. Queer or not, he was a beautiful man, and he had just invited her to help him in any way necessary. And she was determined to fully take advantage of it.

"Daniel, my dear," she said in a low voice, scooting very close to Artemis and draping her arms around him. Artemis flinched at the contact. She ran her fingers down his cheek and leaned her head against his as she looked up at the surprised waiter. "I'm starting to get tired of the unwanted attentions you are paying my fiancé."

Artemis turned to gawk at her, eyes wide.

"Oh, my god!" Daniel exclaimed, suddenly fanning his face with his hand. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea! You should have told me from the start—"

"It's quite alright," said Adrienne smoothly, turning back to Artemis with a smile. Their faces were very close, merely inches from each other. "I found it amusing."

The flabbergasted expression left Artemis' face, and he gave Adrienne a hard look.

"Er, yes," he began, awkwardly grasping Adrienne's hand in his and turning to face the waiter again. "We are…very happy together."

Adrienne's grin grew wider. The waiter continued to apologize, then quickly excused himself. As soon as he was gone, Artemis wiggled awkwardly out of her embrace.

"Those were, ah, rather extreme measures you took," he said, adjusting his collar uncomfortably. "But thank you."

"Don't mention it, Arty," she replied with a dazzling smile in his direction as she scooted back to her spot. Artemis swallowed and looked away.

_Yup. He's gay, alright._

"You know," she continued as she resumed eating, "You should've given that young man a chance. He seemed quite charming."

Artemis' head snapped back up and he stared at her as if she had just sprouted an extra head.

"I beg your pardon?" He spluttered.

"It doesn't hurt to test the waters a bit, before diving into something serious." She took a bite of food, ignoring his ominous glare.

"Adrienne," he began slowly, seething, "I enjoy a good joke every now and then, but I find your sense of humor to be quite tasteless. I am not at all amused."

"Oh, come off it, Arty," she responded calmly. "You don't _have_ a sense of humor. You hate fun."

Artemis' eyes widened at this, then narrowed again.

"You, madam, are absolutely intolerable sometimes." He snapped. Rising with a huff, he pulled out his wallet to pay for the bill.

"Mm, you sure know how to sweet talk a girl," Was all Adrienne said in reply as she stood up to follow him.

"Invite me to the wedding!" Daniel's voice called after them as they were leaving.

Artemis flushed slightly, glaring straight ahead as he led the way out of the restaurant and into the cool nighttime air. They made their way over to a fairly remote corner of the street to await Butler's arrival with the Bentley.

"You don't have to stay and wait with me if you don't wish too," he muttered. "I won't be offended."

She smiled. "Oh, but Artemis, I've got to stay here and protect you until Butler gets here. There are dangerous, dangerous men lurking about who like to hunt for pretty boys just like you."

A faint crimson hue suddenly colored Artemis' pale cheeks. She observed this reaction with some curiosity.

"Adrienne," he said in a low voice. It almost sounded threatening. "I would appreciate it if you'd cease mocking me so mercilessly."

She blinked innocently. "What? I merely speak the truth."

He clenched his jaw in irritation and didn't answer.

"Fine. Be in denial all you want," she said airily. "I suppose it's the kindest thing to do, since the women will all be crying when you finally do come out. I know I would be."

Artemis' eyebrows shot up and he spun to face her again. She merely looked up at him, observing his reaction curiously. A truly terrifying scowl suddenly formed on his lips, and he leaned in close to her, until their faces were mere inches from each other.

"Make no mistake, Adrienne," he said, his voice low and slightly dangerous, "That your beliefs are completely and utterly delusional. I assure you that I am attracted to women. _Only_ women."

Adrienne blinked a few times, momentarily mesmerized by his stunning blue eyes that were boring holes into hers. She suddenly smiled, catching him off guard.

"What wonderful news," she said. "I suppose that means I have a chance at you, then?"

Artemis' eyes widened and he stumbled back a few steps in surprise. "Excuse me?" He stuttered. A monumental moment.

She smirked at him, though deep down she felt a stab of disappointment. "I applaud your acting skills, Fowl, but the look of sheer terror on your face right now tells all."

Artemis opened and closed his mouth wordlessly for a few moments, before finally managing a sentence.

"R—Ridiculous!" He protested dumbly, not yet regaining his composure. "Bloody hell, Adrienne, would you stop tormenting me about this issue already!" He ran his fingers through his hair then, taking a few deep breaths. The look on his face was like that of an annoyed child throwing a tantrum. "I do NOT get terrified of anything, and I am NOT homosexual!"

Adrienne cocked her head to the side. "Is that so?"

"Yes! It bloody well is so!" He was scowling now.

"Prove it."

He gaped at her incredulously. "How exactly do you propose testing my sexual orientation?" He demanded.

"Hmm," she tapped her chin with a finger, a crafty smile on her lips. "Alright, I've got it. I'm going to do something. Don't freak out, okay?"

He snorted. "There is nothing you can do that will scare me. Now what are you…"

Adrienne cut him off by gently pressing her lips to his. He froze, eyes widening. She lightly stroked the side of his face with her fingertips, kissing him softly but briefly. Then she pulled back, taking in his expression. He was staring at her, and had not moved an inch.

She smirked at him, but it was half-heartedly. "Ah-ha. You failed the test." She turned to go.

Suddenly, his fingers grasped her arm and pulled her back roughly, spinning her around. She yelped in surprise, momentarily losing her balance and falling into his arms, but he held her up. Sliding one hand behind her neck, he brought her lips up to meet his in a fierce kiss.

Adrienne felt like melting. His lips were soft against hers, and the fingers of one hand were locked in her hair as the other hand cradled her around the waist.

"I do not fail tests." He growled against her lips between kisses. He kissed her passionately, over and over, and she could feel her heartbeat skyrocketing as she clutched onto him, pressing her body against his.

He pulled back slightly to take in her flushed cheeks and dazed eyes. Smirking triumphantly, he pulled her closer to him.

"Have I convinced you now?" He asked in a low voice.

"Maybe."

He kissed her again.

"Mm," she breathed against his lips, "You're convincing me."

"I can prove it to you fully," he said, "If you come back to Fowl Manor with me tonight."

She flushed considerably, before a small giggle escaped her lips. "Finally ready to introduce me to your parents, then?" She teased. "I'm so honored."

He noticed the Bentley out of the corner of his eye, pulling up from the other side of the street. He straightened, encircling Adrienne's waist with his arm.

"Yes," he grinned. "I hope you make a good impression on your future in-laws."

Adrienne blushed even further, but could not for the life of her wipe the big smile off her face.

Butler pulled up to the curb, lowering his window to reveal an expression of awe as he looked at them.

"Hello there, Butler," Artemis said, smiling, as he led Adrienne over to the car.

"Hello Artemis, Adrienne," Butler nodded simply, still unable to believe what he had just witnessed.

The young couple got into the car, shutting the door behind them. Artemis settled back against the cushioned seat and slid an arm around the young woman, who was blushing and grinning like mad.

"So, I take it that the evening went well?" Butler asked, watching them from the rearview mirror.

"Oh yes," Artemis grinned, not taking his eyes off of Adrienne. "We're planning a June wedding."


End file.
